Tag Archives: Friends

A Shout Out to My Dentists, Their Staff, and Extended Families

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001This “Get Well” card came from my dentists and their staff.  I thought that was very nice.  My dental exam was scheduled for a few days after my back surgery.  I re-scheduled because I wanted my back to be healed before sitting in the chair for the check up and teeth cleaning.

My dentists are a husband and wife team.  I use to work with his aunt.  She referred me to them some years back when I had a crown emergency.  I met more members of their extended families and found they were super-nice high quality people.

I like Amy and Brandon and all the people in their office.  They are friends as much as they are health care professionals.  Thanks for looking after my dental care and thinking of me as I recuperate.  It means a lot to me.

 

Home from the Hospital – Happy and Thankful

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Let’s see if I can write some semi-coherent thoughts in my still heavily medicated state of mind.  I am really happy with how the surgery went.  My body is coming back from the anesthesia.  I handled walking well at the hospital and at home.

1303 Chicken salad with tortilla shellsIt is really great having my son here with me. He is a wonderful cook.  I use to cook a long time ago, but I have not cooked much for ten years.  It is nice visiting with him.  I am concerned that he will get bored since I live out in the country.  He said this is a good time for him to have some slower time to himself.

He has been on the go constantly since arriving late Tuesday.  He has not slept well, either.  It is nice to have the surgery behind me.  I hope he can sleep better.  He is concerned about my eating and (like my doctor) wants me to lose some weight.

The pain before surgery has been constant for four months and especially bad the past two months.  The surgeon removed three disc fragments that were sitting on the nerve.  The nerve was pressed into a cavity of the disc and the doctor said it was difficult getting the nerve unstuck from the disc.  He felt very good once that was accomplished.

The hospital staff was nice.  I did not have any problems from the staff about having my guy with me.  I am so thankful that we are in each other’s lives.  I appreciate my former wife coming over and that she and my guy met each other.  We had a good conversation among the four of us, with me fading in and out some due to the meds.

Almost every nurse said something about my height.  I am tall and that presents some challenges.  I am not supposed to be bending, twisting, turning, stooping, or lifting anything heavier than ten pounds.  I am trying to be a good patient.  I do not want to repeat this surgery.

I received an outpouring of love that really surprised me.  I am accustomed to being on my own.  It is very hard for me to ask for or accept help.  I am so appreciative of the care and concern from so many people.

I am wearing out so I will stop typing.  Thanks again for your thoughts, well wishes, prayers, and concerns.  I do feel blessed.

 

Best Friend?

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My guy had two holiday trips scheduled before we met that he told me about on our first date.  Both trips had a work connection.  He was in Europe over Thanksgiving.  He was in California over Christmas and New Years.

I am accustomed to celebrating holidays on days other than the real holiday.  December 25 is just a day on the calendar.  I have celebrated lots of Christmases before and after that date.  I understood how important the business connections were, especially in this economy and in his line of work.  I was fine knowing that we would not be together on those holidays.

I scheduled a trip to Hilton Head before we met.  It is this week.  I invited him to join me when I saw how much we were in love with each other.  I figured that would make up for being away from each other on the holidays.

We are still planning to go, but some things came up yesterday that might change his plans.  One is that his dog got sick while he was in California.  The other is that the family of his best friend was informed that the guy’s father is expected to die soon.  The best friend has a bad relationship with his father.

The best friend relies and dumps a lot on my guy.  Sometimes their relationship is like two friends.  Sometimes it is like the relationship between two brothers.  There are times when it is more like a parent/spoiled child relationship.  My guy is trying to understand the relationship between my son and me, so that complicates things.

I understand trying to help people, but I think this best friend takes it to the extreme.  The friend’s relationship with his partner has its problems.  The friend has said and done some things that make me feel like he is jealous of the relationship between my guy and me.

I am trying to be understanding.  At the same time, several people who knew me when I was married said I was too considerate and deferential.  I became so adept at putting my needs on the back-burner, while being understanding about my former wife’s family and work issues, that it became easy for me to be #4 or #5 on my former wife’s priority list.

I feel like I am #4 now, behind my guy’s best friend, his singing, and his dog.  I love being with him when he is singing and I love his dog.  I’m not willing to be #2 behind the best friend.  I’ve brought the subject up.  I hope we can work it through.

My sister told a few years ago that the next time I fall in love it should be with someone who is as in love with me as I am with them.  I think I have found that when it is just the two of us or when we are with his family and friends from church.  We lose that connection once the best friend comes in the picture.

NC – Montgomery County – Star USPS Station 2011 Christmas Stamp Cancellation

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Star 2011

(I wrote this in December 2011.)

I did my annual drive to Star, North Carolina today to get the special Christmas stamp cancellation on my Christmas cards. Star is one of the US Post Office’s “Christmas towns” that is authorized to use a special hand cancellation stamp each December. A contest is held to choose the stamp design. One stamp is made. It is destroyed at the end of December.

I think this is the eleventh year that I’ve done the Star stamp cancellation. It is one of my longest running current Christmas traditions.

This is the first year that I’ve sent fewer than fifty Christmas cards - forty-nine to be exact. That’s down from 200 plus in years past. Here is a breakdown of where the cards are being sent:

Asheboro, NC – 47%
Utah – 29%
Other cities in North Carolina – 16%
Other states in the U.S. – 8%

This is one of the few years that I have not sent at least one card out the United States.

The longest distance is 2,910 miles. The shortest distance is 1/2 mile.

I needed new addresses on ten percent of the cards. The most interesting missing address was my son. He sent a text message with his new address when he moved. Text messages were the only thing that did not transfer from my old mobile phone when I replaced it a few months ago.

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I stopped by the post office twice last week to buy Christmas stamps. The lines were too long for the time that I had available to me. I went by Food Lion this morning, hoping they would have Christmas stamps. My cashier had two books and another had one book. They were the religious stamp. Here is an estimate of the religious affiliations of the people on my Christmas card list:

Mormon – 35%
Methodist – 20%
Baptist – 14%
Unaffiliated – 15%
Wesleyan, Episcopalian, and Presbyterian – 10%
Atheist or Agnostic – 6%

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Here is the card that went to almost everyone. It’s a Hallmark Thomas Kinkade card. It reminded me of the historic district in Asheville, NC, where I plan to take my son while he is visiting for Christmas.

One of the more interesting remarks made several years ago was when one recipient told me that I sure chose nice cards “for being a man.” There are all kinds of niches for holiday cards. I haven’t seen one, though, called “Ugly Cards Chosen by Men.”

This card went to all but one nephew. He is not a Thomas Kinkade fan. His was another missing address. I sent him a message saying if he sent me his address that I promised to not send the Thomas Kinkade card that was going to everyone else. I had his address in less than five minutes. His card had glitter, though. I think he will get over it.

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I shot this photo and the lead photo after I dropped the cards in the mail slot for the special cancellation. This was only the second time that I drove to Star during daylight. Most years it has been on Sunday or Monday evening. One year was on a Saturday and another year was on a Tuesday. It has rained or been foggy most years. Snow was falling two of the years.

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Here is the special Star, North Carolina Christmas stamp cancellation. I estimate that I have mailed 1,400 cards with the special stamp cancellation from Star in December. I am asked several times each year after Thanksgiving if I am doing the Star stamp cancellation trip. I was non-committal this year, not even sure if I was going to send Christmas cards. I decided yesterday to keep the tradition going one more year. This is the latest they have been mailed – six mailing days before Christmas – but I think they will arrive in time at all destinations.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Let God Be My Judge – Depression and Suicide

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I never wanted to kill myself until August 2, 2012.  That was the day I saw the photos on the front page of my local newspaper and read the story.  The photos showed throngs of people waiting to eat at the two local Chick-fil-A restaurants.  Most were not there for the waffle fries.  They wanted to send a message.  Over 1,000 orders were placed by around noon.  That is five percent of the population of my city – at two restaurants.  (People from two adjacent counties that do not have a Chick-fil-A also drove to my town.)

It hurt to think that so many people conceptually hate me.  It does not make any sense when I think about the acceptance I have received as I have come out.  Lots of people say I am nice.  They say I have an odd-ball sense of humor.  They like my limited social satire.  They like my photos.  They like my writings  They like me.

Yet, I am sure that some of those same people ate waffle fries on August 1 because they love the Lord.  And they want to live his commandments.  And they want to make sure that I, along with all the other sinful gays, live the commandments, per their interpretations.

I don’t really thinks over 1,000 people in my community hate me.  But that is how I interpreted their message, so I wanted to die.

I don’t know how many mornings since concluding I was gay that I woke up and wished I was dead.  It is over 1,000.  It is less than 3,000.  It is a strange thought, but that is how someone thinks when they are told their entire life that being gay is an abomination.  I wanted passively to die lots of days.  Only one day did I want to do something about it.

The acceptance of my family and friends is amazing.  I still only know of one person who is criticizing me for coming out.  I also know that most of my family and friends will not agree once I find a companion and we make love, but they are letting God be my judge.  I hold on to the comment repeated twice by my cousin in a phone call and again in an e-mail message – my best days are ahead of me.

I’ll make a deal with the over 1,000 people who ordered waffle fries, chicken sandwiches, chicken nuggets, and iced tea on Tuesday.  I will try to not judge you.  I will try to not over-interpret your message.  I will try to understand that you are expressing your opinions on God and love, and you are not attacking me personally.

In return, I ask one thing.  Let God be my judge.

(Note:  I am over the suicide thoughts.  I am not totally over the depression.  I spoke with some good friends today and saw others this evening.  I feel their love.  I am not going to do anything to hurt myself.  If you want to do something for me, just pray.)

Coming Out to High School Friends and Others

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I did a “coming out” post for close friends and family after I spoke with them because a few had questions.  I later posted it on my blog under the title Living a B Flat Life in a Middle C World.

I did not intend to do a “coming out” post for the larger group of acquaintances.  I changed my mind last weekend and did the following post because of the number of parades with Mormon contingents.

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Three months ago I came to the realization that it was time for me to acknowledge who I was as a gay man. I’ve been in the closet and single for many years. I’ve spoken with around 30 close family and friends. I have not asked anyone to change their values. I have been blessed to have had my message accepted, even though it is a difficult one that is hard to understand for many of the people who are the closest to me. It is still hard for me to understand.

Most of you know that I don’t act quickly. I put a lot of thought and planning before taking action when something is important. I am not into the party scene. I wondered how I could come out and what I could do to become involved with people who still shared my general values.

I was surprised to find Mormons for Marriage Equality, a small group of straight, active Mormons who decided to march in the gay pride parades in Portland, OR and Seattle, WA this year. Shortly afterwards a separate group, Mormons Building Bridges, organized in Salt Lake City and ended up with between 300 and 400 participants in Salt Lake City’s Gay Pride parade. Suddenly, Mormons and former Mormons across the nation and world were organizing at the grassroots level and preparing to march in a number of parades, including one in Santiago, Chili.

In a period of a month I went from being in the closet to a quiet activist. I assisted in funding some banners and a parade registration fee.

I’ve followed news stories and blogs about the parades that have been held. Two incidents in particular tell me that good things are happening. One was about a person who had bought a gun and was planning to kill himself, but decided against it after seeing the Salt Lake marchers. The other was about a man in a blue shirt pushing his way through the crowd in Washington, DC to hug some of the marchers while crying, saying “I’m a Mormon,” and thanking them for being there.

This is a big weekend with straight Mormons, GLBT current and former Mormons, and their friends marching in parades in Cleveland, OH; Houston, TX; Seattle, San Francisco, New York City, Minneapolis-St. Paul, MN; Chicago, and Santiago. There are similar groups with Baptists and Catholics who are also marching.

The group in Chicago is being led by a former bishop. One of the organizers of the San Francisco parade is Mitch Mayne, an openly gay single man who is the Executive Secretary of his ward in San Francisco. The founders of Mormons for Marriage Equality spoke with their Bishops and stake leaders. One of the marchers in Portland, the wife of a high councilman, spoke with her Bishop and Stake President before participating. They do not criticize the church or any of its leaders. We have the examples of Mitt Romney and Harry Reid to show that people can be active in the same church and have different opinions.

I debated whether I should do a coming out post. I decided to do this because, like I said before, good things are happening and I think they should be shared. I hope you will stay around.